What if your child is constantly fighting?
Almost every parent, at some of the stages of child development, has to deal with child aggression, which is difficult to control and even more so to prevent. A kid, at almost any age, can start to get very nervous and shout, bite and fight, and this applies not only to relationships with peers, but also with adults: parents, grandmothers, caregivers, and so on.
Nobody likes a child-fighter: in kindergarten, you have to listen to the discontent of educators, and sometimes moms of other children, in playgrounds your little crumb is tried to be avoided, problems of communication with peers begin. And who is pleased when their own child dismisses, albeit small, but still cams on his own parents?
Such circumstances lead many parents into a stupor: why is this happening? What am I doing wrong? What if the child is fighting and at the same time does not listen to anyone? Why does he behave this way, because once it was a sweet and kind child?
When you find yourself in another such situation, no matter where it happens - at home or on the street, try to realize that children's aggression is a normal natural process. Do you sometimes get angry too? So your child has the full right to it, he just has not yet learned how to ship all his negative energy to a peaceful course. And who, if not parents, will help him deal with this?
Causes of aggression
Here, as in any problem: before you look for its solution, you need to deal with the main reasons that encourage your child to fight. Child psychologists in one voice say: child aggression - this is normal, so the kid learns to take the initiative, be active and show his opinion.
That is why it is impossible to suppress such bursts, it is important to teach the child to forward them to another channel: run, jump, climb and even scream, but in suitable settings, for example, during sports. So what could be the cause?
- Lack of attention from parents and loved ones, indifference and excessive amount of criticism. The child, arranging fights, forces the whole world, although only for a short while, to revolve around him, thereby sensing the necessary attention.Perhaps the child doesn’t have enough communication, he cannot cope with his feelings alone, and there’s simply no one to share with him.
- The lack of any reaction from the parents to the aggressive behavior of the child. As a result, he perceives this form of “communication” as encouragement and continues in the same spirit.
- Keep track of your family relationships. If parents constantly scandal among themselves and, worse, engage in assault on one another and their child, then why should he do otherwise? Aggressive parents set a bad example, which is known to be contagious.
- It is not a secret for anyone that in the modern world a great deal of influence on the upbringing of a child is exerted by the flow of information that falls on him from TV screens and monitors: the Internet, computer games, movies, cartoons, and so on. You should pay attention to what the crumb is interested in, perhaps he fights only because he wants to imitate his favorite cartoon or toy hero.
- If you notice that the manifestations of aggression and, as a result, fights, happen to your child only when he is in a kindergarten or on the playground, then follow, perhaps, someone offends him.Children can be very cruel, and even such small crumbs in their teams find their object for “bullying”. Be sure to talk with your child, listen to his arguments and after that make a decision on how to proceed. Perhaps you should seek the help of a qualified child psychologist, who should now be listed at almost every kindergarten.
After you have figured out the reasons, you can look for the right solutions: perhaps change the policy of behavior in your own family, deal with the possible offenders of your child, or learn how to act correctly in the next outbreaks of anger.
How to react?
Often the first serious bouts of aggression may begin to manifest from the age of 1.5 to two years, during this period they usually concern parents or loved ones. At about three years old, the negative emotions of a child begin to cross over to their peers, the most standard methods: pull hair, bite, throw sand in the face, and so on.
Children's aggressiveness, according to psychologists, is reduced only to school age.This is due to the fact that during this period children learn to resolve conflicts that may arise in the game, communication and other situations.
How to behave if your child is a fighter? Is it possible to punish aggression, because if parents manage to solve the problem from their own child only by aggression, then he will understand that this is the correct way to solve the problem.
Gradually, aggression will increase and even if it does not show up at home, it will pour out elsewhere, for example, in a kindergarten. You can not forbid a child to be angry: "Do not shout!", "Do not be angry!". You need to teach the child how to react correctly, for example, if he tries to hit you, just hug him tightly, and after he calms down a bit, try to talk.
Without any outsiders, talk with a crumb, explain what this behavior leads to. Without any arguments, it is impossible to forbid doing anything, even shouting, fighting, and so on. It will be much more effective to explain: "I understand that you are angry and you are hurt, because you wanted to play with this toy, but after striking Kohl, he simply does not want to play with you anymore."
Or something like: “Mom hurts when you beat her, she gets upset and offended.” Teach your child to express his thoughts with words, not actions, let him form sentences like: “I’m angry because”, “I’m offended because”. Having learned such a “language of feelings”, it will be easier for a child to throw out his emotions without fists.
Offer your chad new ways to release aggression. Perhaps you should write a crumb to the sport, where he will be able to get rid of unnecessary energy and emotions in a circle of his peers. Show with your example how you can let off steam: poke together a few pieces of paper, tear up a newspaper or beat a pillow.
You can teach your child special games: give him a bag that is not easy, but magic. All that accumulates in the soul, negative and bad can be added only to it, this is a prerequisite. So, when you want to swear and scream, you can only do it in this bag, after which it is tied and all the negative remains only in it.
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