Shyness: how to get rid?
Shy call a person who has difficulty with communication, avoids society and attention. Such personalities are timid, feel uncomfortable and shy in the presence of other people. The word "shyness" speaks for itself and comes from the word "shut off or be shun from anyone." And indeed, a timid person builds invisible walls around himself, they securely enclose him from the outside world and those around him.
The behavior of shy people
People with a similar problem fear the opinions of people, ridicule, discontent, condemnation. They cannot accept criticism or praise. Therefore, a shy person suppresses desire in communication, tries to avoid society, is afraid and does not want to publicly express his own opinion and defend his rights.
Unfortunately, this type of people achieves little in life. They are not able to make acquaintance, embark on an adventure or take advantage of the opportunity. They avoid situations in which you need to act decisively.
The harm of timidity lies in the inability of others to appreciate the true talents of a person, and he himself loses clarity of thinking.
In such a situation, depression, anxiety. The problem of shyness occurs in many, and manifests itself in different ways: rapid heartbeat, trembling hands and lips, stuttering speech.
Causes of shyness
Often, young children are very sociable, like to attract attention to themselves, easily fit even to an adult. So, people are not born shy, but become so, but how?
A clear answer, scientists do not give. Some believe that shyness is inherent in people, while others consider it a reflection of the negative experience acquired at certain moments in life. Perhaps, a person in a certain period of life saw failure, or he suffered it.
Consolidation of shyness is due to the lack of communication skills, anxiety about the assessment of others, the humiliation of himself, the underestimation of their own abilities. If you constantly suggest that you are shy, such a habit will be strengthened.
Psychoanalysts suggest that this character trait comes from an internal struggle.Sociologists consider the fault of the norms and the foundations of society. Sometimes in childhood, parents or educators talk about the shyness of the baby, and the child's receptive psyche perceives this as a setting for action. When growing up, such a child constantly compares itself with others, finds itself in worse than them, which further suppresses sociability in it.
Fighting shyness: how to get rid of it
Before you start to deal with shyness, understand the reasons. Often, a person misinterprets the opinions and attitudes of others about himself, it is not surprising, because he considers himself the worst.
Usually, people are not right in their reasoning and in the eyes of other people are valued much higher.
Shy people expect trouble, thoughts are aimed at the negative, and, as you know, they are material. They are really attracted by bad luck and the problems surrounding them are called losers, and sometimes they come up with offensive nicknames that occur in school or university.
Do not confuse the concept of "timidity" and "modesty." A rather polite person will be called humble, but a shy one always pretends that he does not exist.
Sometimes people around take such behavior for arrogance and pride. There is a kind of trap created by a closed person, he can not communicate openly himself, and people stop coming to him for contact.
Robust people turn their lives into a nightmare. They are in constant stress and a negative, nervous mood, as a result of which chronic diseases develop, the life span is shortened.
Ways to combat shyness
You can get rid of shyness only by yourself, if you want or can not get rid of the problem yourself, contact a psychologist. Abroad it is quite common practice, while in Russia it may cause bewilderment or ridicule.
Overcome yourself, for which you force to communicate more often, to approach the first to unfamiliar people. Go where there are a lot of people, be friendly and polite, smile more often. Following this behavior, you yourself will not notice how you open yourself to the world and yourself.
Do not judge yourself too harshly, everyone can say or do something wrong. Show humor in such cases, laugh at yourself.
Simple recommendations and advice of psychologists, who can easily be carried out alone, will help to solve the problem on their own:
- Be independent from the opinions of others.After all, worry about what others think of you - it's silly, because most of them, like you, are busy with themselves. Remember the main rule: you will not please everyone. Learn to not take someone else's criticism to heart.
- Rid yourself of the controller. Many people, even those who do not have excessive shyness, have "examiners", people whose opinion is authoritative for them. If you can not completely get rid of it, then reduce the distance.
- Love yourself. If you are unhappy with yourself: a character trait or appearance, then try to show it less or hide it. Learn to evaluate yourself independently, which will help you start enjoying life and experiencing positive emotions.
- Pay attention to your appearance. If you like the way you look, then self-confidence will only increase.
- Develop communication skills. Learn to formulate thoughts, express criticism. To do this, study the special literature. Try to develop your own conversation, start a new topic or tell jokes, stories. To help develop a speech art books.
- Think of your rights. Such a rule is easy to implement: in the event of an awkward situation, remember that you have the right to independence, mistakes, the right to say “no” and so on.
- InstallationAs it was described earlier - thoughts are material, therefore repeat to yourself positive attitudes and statements. The rule works very effectively and is applied in psychology not only with the problem of shyness. Convince yourself and give the installation - a strong action.
- Learn to relax. The manifestation of timidity in society inevitably affects the muscles, feel the body and learn how to relax it in time. The technique really works.
Give yourself the right to make a mistake - they are committed by everyone, so prepare yourself psychologically for it and do not be discouraged when an incident occurs.
Up to 40% of people suffer from shyness: some have learned to fight it, others do not. Remember that shyness is not a disease. If you cannot but appreciate yourself, then take it in a positive way - this is not so bad. Such a feature is characteristic of human researchers, those who penetrate into the essence of things, and are not satisfied with superficial information. For the most part, timid people are much better than those whom they fear so much, because their inner world is interesting and vibrant.
Do not choose a way to oppress the weak. Finding on whom you can throw out the negative - the worst option.This behavior does not color you.
Getting rid of the shyness problem takes a lot of time, especially if you've been saving it for years. Get ready for hard, but grateful struggle and do not hesitate to call for the help of a qualified psychologist.
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