Phrases that traumatize a child when parents divorce

Instruction
"You behaved badly, so dad left."
This may provoke the child’s fault for the separation of the parents. Try not to involve children in the conflict of adults: this is a very serious test for a child of any age. It happens that mother reproaches a son or daughter in order to achieve obedience. In this case, the child may think that he can be loved only under certain conditions, for example, for good behavior. This is a very cruel manipulation that undermines the child’s self-confidence and healthy self-esteem.
"Dad is bad."
Criticism sounds when a woman is very offended by her husband (for example, he cheated on her). Or she wants the child to love her more and not miss her father. But for him dad is an important and beloved person. Therefore, a child can transfer criticism to himself: if a dad is bad, then so am I. If a girl hears bad reviews about her father, she has the setting “all men are not good”, which can later create serious problems in her personal life.But in the end, you divorced something, so you shouldn’t take out your disappointments on the child. Use “I-statements” instead of criticism. For example, “I was very bad when I found out that your dad met with women,” and not “your father is a womanizer.”
“It’s my fault that your dad and I were divorced.”
So mom expresses her sense of guilt. Many women blame themselves for the fact that the son or daughter will now grow into an incomplete family. In this case, the child most likely does not consider you guilty. Moreover, if the parents have barely communicated lately or constantly scandalous, if there was no spiritual warmth and normal mutual understanding between them, he may feel relieved that all this has ended.
By deciding to part with an unloved person, you teach your child to act in such a way as to change life for the better and not be afraid of change. And thus bring him up by personal example. In the end, the child does not need sacrifices, but happy loving parents and good "weather in the house." And a family in which mom and dad are hostile to each other is unlikely to teach how to build strong relationships.Therefore you should not make excuses and apologize for the fact that you do not want to continue the unsuccessful union. Everyone deserves happiness.
The problems associated with the divorce of parents, sometimes comes around and in the adult life of children: it is more difficult for them to build their own family, and it’s not easy to decide to become a mother or father. Therefore, be sure to talk with your child so that the divorce would cause him not anxiety, loneliness and helplessness, but a feeling of constant parental support.


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