Love and hate: just 1 step?
If you ask a person what is the opposite of love for him, he will say that it is hate. It seems everything is correct. And if we approach this problem from the point of view of philological science, then the antonym of “love” is in fact “hatred”. But in psychology, this is not the case.
In fact, the opposite feeling of love is not hate, but indifference. Because both love and hate feelings are strong emotions. And if a person hates or loves, he is full of feelings. Therefore it cannot be considered as directly opposed concepts.
More recently, you are in love and loved, you want to fly with happiness. But why now, when looking at a partner who was the best for you on earth, you want to howl like a wolf? Where does rage come from? Is it really only a step from love to hate? And when is it done? From one feeling to another there are much more steps. Some go this way quickly, in a couple of days, while others follow it 20 years and more. But for all it is the same.
Two sides of the coin
Both hate and love are two sides of the coin that facets. They depend on time and circumstances.At any stage of communication there are always problems. Methods of solving them directly affect whether you take a step towards hatred.
So, if we talk about the development of relations - from dating to separation - then traced a certain sequence of actions. So, consider the steps that lovers make towards hate.
Step one. Love
It is pleasant to remember the stage of love with nostalgia. This is a great time - dates, flowers, kisses under the moon. At this stage, when looking at the beloved, the heart beats with mad force, and the head is filled with thoughts of him.
At this stage, you want to learn more about the person, stay with him a maximum of time nearby. But then you see a partner through rose-colored glasses. And he sees the way you want him to see. These pink lenses and glasses are the basis of the fact that one or not so ideal day begins to crumble.
Step two. Habit
In fact, it is correct to say that we all get used to the pleasant quickly and easily. What recently seemed extraordinary happiness is perceived today as a fact that goes without saying.And the fact that you are close to your beloved is already considered a given, and the beloved gets less resemblance to a prince from a fairy tale. Now you know tastes, beliefs, habits. In a relationship, everything is clear and straightforward.
Over time, we will get used to our second half, as we learn in the room where we live or stay for a long time. Everything we see in it is familiar, one day we think it is worth changing: re-glue the wallpaper, update the furniture ...
People are afraid of habits. They are sure that this is the end of love and high feelings. But this is not true! Habit is one of the manifestations of love. Only one of its stages. This is a quiet hypostasis of a stormy feeling, measured. In this period, we see a person already without pink lenses in glasses, and through simple glasses. And finally, we perceive exactly as it is.
Step three. Expectation
And here it suddenly turns out that we do not like too much what a loved one is like. Because there comes an expectation from him of special accomplishments and deeds. But, even realizing that the second half is not too much like a prince, we thought that soon this similarity would only increase. And yet he will earn decent money, reach heights in his career, or be passionate, as in the first stage of relations.
But with a reasonable look at a partner, it becomes clear that you are not destined to become the wife of an oligarch, and serious achievements in his career will not be met soon. And all the care that won you at the dawn of a relationship, and which your friends envied, disappeared as the water evaporates under the rays of the sun.
As a result, each of the couple believes that he lacks something too necessary and special.
Step Four. Disappointment
And if your lover did not live up to expectations, then the sad stage of disappointment comes. Over time, it seems that a person is changing in a negative direction. But it remains the same as it was, just personal perception changes. And here quarrels and scandals begin.
During this period, a person sees his beloved through black glasses, now even minimal positive qualities are not visible, and only huge minuses are visible. As a result, people continue to accumulate mutual discontent, which causes the last stage in the relationship.
Step five. Hatred
In this period of hate, there is discontent. And even the positive side of yesterday's lover through the lenses of black glasses seem to be negative features.Even what was previously thought to be nice is starting to get angry. Previously, the partner's smile was sweet and pleasant, but now she looks hypocritical and terrible. And it is precisely such irritation that later turns into hatred towards man. The road of love for her ends.
How to stay in the middle of the road?
Psychologists are sure that it is possible to stop in the middle of the way, at stage number 2, i.e. habit This will require:
have a minimum of expectations. This is important, because any expectations one day become a source of regret. And the less a person expects, the more he will receive in the end. So first, reduce your claims and hopes;
value in your favorite that is. Be able to see the pros, to focus on them, not to notice the negative side. After all, the latter have all;
learn to look for a common language with your loved one.
It's wonderful, if there was mutual understanding between people, then restore it. But sometimes the couple initially expressed herself in different languages, not understanding this. Will it be possible to find this common language? How can this be achieved?
Learn this. To begin with, stop arguing with your partner, and learn how to listen.If a person wants to find a common language with someone, then it is important to take into account his principles and beliefs. Try to rarely contradict, but agree with your loved one. Of course, you are not forbidden to express your opinion, but it is important to be able to listen to others, and then speak your own.
In order not to meet disappointments, even at the dawn of the way, at the stage of choice, realize what you want from this relationship. Find out the identity of the partner, and then determine whether he can give what you need.
People choose their mate unknowingly, because it is not clear what they want. What you got, got it. And at the time of the fall of pink glasses from his eyes, it turns out that we were not wasting time on the person who was needed.
Return from hate to love
Both hate and love are the brightest feelings and manifestations of the fact that you are in a relationship with the person to whom they are directed. Such feelings confirm that there is a relationship.
The threshold that comes before love is called passion, and before hate - rage. But both of these feelings sometimes do not increase, but subside. Then you fall into the spectrum of different feelings, but either in the negative or in the positive.The other part is banned, sometimes it lasts a long time. This relieves the relationship from wholeness, if there is no spectrum of feelings.
Strange as it may seem, there are several steps from hate to love, but from anger to joy there is a whole breakthrough. There is no energy of feelings to change one to another. Even more difficult is the transition to pride from shame, from guilt to gratitude. In an effort to preserve feelings, people often increase their energy, while remaining outwardly committed to experiencing one emotion.
The way back from hate to love is real, but complicated. It is not simple. People in this position do not have the strength to invest in the improvement of feelings. Love is fire, and in order for it to glow, it is required to relentlessly saturate it with something - to throw up new firewood. Often people do not take the required steps, they are confident that the fire will continue to burn itself, and relations develop along the rolling path.
But then one day the fire will cease to burn. Maintain this difficult, tirelessly invest in a relationship. And to make a fire again, it takes much more strength and energy. But in order to restore the extinguished fire, you will have to understand the second half, start to appreciate.Prove it so that a person can see that he is valued. This is difficult because those who came to the sunset of feelings are not capable of this. Otherwise, they would not come to such stages.
Return feelings and climb these steps up to love from hate, try using family psychologists, trainings, if you do not get it yourself. And in order to be able to take a soul mate, it is important to be able to accept yourself, learn to respect and appreciate your own personality.
Thus, if you need to preserve your feelings and attitudes, stop the path to hate, you will need a lot of strength. It is not everyone can. But then determine for yourself. If the partner does not suit you at all, and for the sake of it and the restoration of feelings you do not want to do anything, then the relationship is not important, it is better to part with it.
From love to hate the whole 5 steps. And sometimes they are easier to move on than staying in the second step. But if relationships are important to you, then make an effort, pause the way. It's easier than trying to go the other way around.
How to call the police
How to play sports with hypotension
A poorly dressed man in a cafe asked for suspended coffee. We were surprised when we learned that it
Egg noodle recipe
Liposuction procedure: the whole truth
How to properly tile - tips and tricks
Easter Bunny of Hearts
Delicious and savory marinated salads