Life without sex is a new trend?
We used to think that the lack of sex in married couples "over 50" is something like a norm, and in general sex is for the young, active, hot, and at that age physical contact is not so important in the presence of strong spiritual connections. American writer Iris Krasnov, a kind of real Kerry Bradshaw of flesh and blood - a journalist and writer who talks about marriage, sex, motherhood and other "near-loving" topics - has done dozens of interviews with heroines of different ages for her new book on the topic how the intimate life of a woman changes in different periods, and came to the unexpected conclusion that the absence of sex is an absolutely real trend that is practiced by young couples. Interviewing women from 20 to 80 years, Iris revealed that most often they take a “sex pause” just at middle age and not at all because of health problems and not because of disagreements with a partner, but sincerely and voluntarily.
What moves them to this step, and why do we sometimes really deny sex at precisely the age when we have the most chances to get it?
Thousand and one excuse besides "my head hurts"
It seems, about women who deny their husbands intimacy and argue it for the funniest reasons, a huge number of anecdotes have been invented, however, just like about their lovers hiding on the balcony or in the closet. Having sex in a normal relationship, when you both confess that you love each other, is something that goes without saying, like a joint holiday in a room with a view of the sea or romantic dinners by candlelight. The women interviewed by Iris, without exception, confess their love to their husbands and boyfriends, feel happy together with them, but at the same time adhere to the “sexual diet”: kisses and hugs - yes, sexual intercourse - no.
Reasons are quite different: "too busy", "I feel tired of sex", "too focused on myself" or "I work very hard". All of them share the fact that at the beginning of the relationship their passion beat all the records, but then five times a day they turned into once a month and then ... once in three years. One of the women Iris surveyed admits that it is still important for her to feel sexual, but this has nothing to do with sex itself.In unison with her, many women in response to the question why they no longer have sex, say that in itself the concept of "intimacy" in relationships has shifted to another level and now means something more than just physical contact.
Doctor, are I all right?
Understanding the situation, Iris consults with gynecologists and sex therapists and receives a completely positive response from them: more and more women are now refusing sex in marriage and continue to feel happy without feeling a lack of love and attention. In many cases, this does not at all mean a complete rejection of physical intimacy, but it takes a completely different form in the form of near-sex affection and harmless games that teenagers usually practice in the absence of sexual experience as such, studying their body and their feelings from contact with their loved one, but at the same time avoiding the most sexual contact.
On the one hand, what is it, if not sex? And is it fair to separate such affection from sex? If you think about the topic of definitions and prejudices, it may be unfair to say that women interviewed by Iris do not have sex, but it is worth noting that they are not engaged in it in the form in which we used to draw this sex.In this case, the problem raised by the writer becomes even more interesting: should everyone do the same thing in bed that we do in order to be called a harmonious happy couple?
Sex as the largest unknown number in the formula of life
Even experienced sex researchers say that it is never possible to make a true statistical calculation on sex: you ask people questions about their intimate life, but no one allows you to spy on what is happening in the bedroom. It is possible that a colleague or classmate, who talks about her damn passionate boyfriend, who gives her a lot of pleasure, in fact, often beats the plates in the heat of a quarrel than gets orgasms. People tend to imitate if they don’t lie about sex, because the whole world seems to be breathing sex: it is shown on TV, women's magazines talk about it regularly, with its help they sell goods.
There is as much sex around as there is food, so it seems that to give up intimacy and take a pause is the same as going on a hunger strike for no reason. How many people actually believe that sex is the tenth thingsomething not too pleasant and you can easily and easily live without it, but at the same time they never in your life admit it out loud to you? This is perhaps one of the biggest secrets in the world.
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