Learning to adequately respond to criticism
Criticism is an integral part of our life. We are criticized at home, at work, at school, almost everywhere. And some people react so painfully to this that they lose confidence. And how to learn to “hold face” and perceive criticism adequately?
What is criticism?
First of all, it’s worthwhile to list the types of criticism:
- Absolutely unfair. These are insults, obzyvaniya or generalized phrases like "What kind of disgrace?" Or "What do you allow yourself?". Such criticism has no basis and, as a rule, is based on the personal prejudice of the critic or on his negative attitude towards the person who has been charged.
- Partially fair. It most often affects some character traits, habits, behavior, features of a person. The truth can be in the comments, but you can not completely agree with them.
- Fair criticism. It's all clear. The critic points to a specific action or substantiates his comment.
What can not be done?
First, we list some of the most common mistakes in responding to criticism:
- Silence. Do not be silent. First, you will look ridiculous and pathetic. Secondly, the critic can think that you simply have nothing to say, and will consider himself right. Third, some people are very annoyed and angry with silence, so that a person can try to lead you to a conflict.
- Excuses. Some, being taken aback, begin to justify themselves. So do not be too. Justifications, firstly, are unnecessary and uninteresting to anyone, so the critic will hardly want to listen to them. Secondly, you will automatically take the lowest position and will look like a child whose parents are punished for pranks. You absolutely do not need all this.
- Counterattack. The best defense is attack, but criticism is not the case. Do not try to blame the critic in response, it will give you absolutely nothing, but your opponent will certainly want to answer your accusations, which could provoke a conflict. If you need it, then, in principle, you can choose this method of reaction. But in this case, you must be absolutely sure that in this conflict you will be able to bring strong arguments in your favor and, as a result, defeat the critic. Otherwise, this option is not yours.
How to react to unfair criticism?
If you hear in your address absolutely unreasonable and unjustified comments, you can choose one of the following options:
- Just agree with everything. This will simply discourage your opponent and he will most likely be left behind. If that's what you need, do it that way. You can also add a sweet, friendly smile, it will “finish” your opponent. But if you want to protect your honor and dignity, then such tactics will not be appropriate.
- You can say something like “This is your opinion, while others think differently. And my opinion is different from yours. " A weighty and discouraging option. But the opponent may try to take a defensive stance or substantiate his comments, be prepared for this.
- Ask the critic to give specific facts and evidence that you are doing something wrong. If the critic does not answer, then end the conversation, if the answer is found, then go to the next item.
- Clarifications, clarifications. Ask your opponent what he doesn’t like and why. Find out what you don't like the most. Also clarify why the critic is thinking this way.In general, literally conduct an investigation. As a rule, such inquiries lead to the end of the conversation.
- And you can ask such a question: "What else do you not like?". If the critic simply wants to speak out, he will immediately do it and the conversation will end there.
How to respond to partially fair criticism?
How to properly respond to criticism, if at least part of it is justified? Here are a few options:
- If you do not want to agree with any part of the charges, then say something like: "Yes, some think so" or "This is your opinion, you have the right to think so." Most likely, the critic will calm down.
- You can do this as follows: with fair remarks agree, and the rest just ignore the ears. The opponent is unlikely to want to continue the conversation.
- And you can try to wrap the criticized defect in dignity, but this requires certain intellectual abilities and quick reaction.
How to respond to fair criticism?
If the remark was justified and fair, then the only and correct option is simply to accept criticism. In this case, do not apologize or excuse, but we can say that all the comments will be taken into account, and errors - corrected.This will completely satisfy the critic and characterize you from the best side.
What if you criticize your appearance?
What to do if they criticize your appearance?
- First of all, do not take everything to heart. How many people, so many opinions. If you have a second half, then think about what you love, which means that your appearance in any case, someone likes.
- If the comment was too rude or offensive, do not attempt to attack in response. You will spoil your mood for the rest of the day. You can say something like “How rude and ill-mannered you are!” Or “Probably you are in a very bad mood or you have got up on the wrong foot.”
- Roughness can be answered with rudeness, but you do not need it. But to gently point out the lack of an opponent can, if you want to calm yourself. For example, say this: “I don’t find you attractive either, so what now?”.
- You can just say that you and many others are quite happy with everything.
- And some comments can serve as an incentive to improve yourself and your body.
- If you have to communicate with a brute often, and you want to prevent his further similar liberties,then we can say to the critic that his opinion does not interest you and it will be better if he will continue to keep this opinion with him.
A few important points of reaction to criticism, which need to be remembered:
- Do not answer provocative or rhetorical questions like “When will it end?” Or “What are you going to do next?”.
- Your tone during the conversation should be calm and confident. Do not shout, do not mumble.
- Phrases should be clear and short. No "Yes, but ...." And other things. All of the case and short.
A few tips for those who want to learn how to adequately respond to criticism in their address:
- If the critic simply wants to annoy and offend you, it is better not to react in any way, but turn around and leave or stop all communication.
- If you feel that you are about to "explode", then go to another room, if there is such an opportunity, and calm down, breathe, drink water. And then come back and continue the conversation.
- It makes sense to listen to criticism and work on the bugs. Remarks are sometimes very useful and help us see what we did not notice before.
- Do not take everything to heart and do not spoil your mood.
React to criticism correctly, and it will not poison your life.
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