How to stop pleasing everyone?
Being friendly and flexible is commendable. Only the question arises: are compliant people happy? Yes, it is easy to miss another in the queue or agree with the majority during the conversation, but what to do if it turns into a pathology, and the head is tormented by the question “Am I not a mess?”
In the world there are many people with a developed ability to empathy. It is extremely easy for them to empathize with others, to feel the needs of others, and sometimes to adjust to them without serious consequences. These people like to promote harmony and peace, such a little naive romantics, ready to not quarrel with anyone and fit into any company. Usually they have a lot of friends of a completely different format, because this type can understand and listen to almost any person, and accordingly, make friends with him. Empathy is much deeper than compassion, it is to some extent similar to extrasensory abilities, but nevertheless in psychology it is considered to be a phenomenon that does not go beyond. It may appear mild and not cause discomfort.For example, in a general get-together, you, in word or attention, support a person whom not everyone is happy to see, or insanely modest. You see the details and deftly read the situation. But there is another: benevolence goes beyond, and you no longer understand where kindness ends and appeasability begins.
The roots of the desire for world peace lie in the desire to please others. Inner solitude seems to shout: "I am a very good person, love me all." Most likely, you think that it is impossible in principle to love you, so you justify yourself before everyone for your existence. I'd like to tell others about my own thin and elegant device, to reach out to literally everyone. It is worth asking at this point: is it necessary? Acceptance from all, without exception, has roots of narcissism. It's time to take control of the situation and start loving yourself and believing in yourself on your own, without entangling the rest. Especially all the same, do not please.
In general, on the back side of pleasuring one can easily see serious stress and problems. It only seems that, without expressing in any other way, you did not break a certain atmosphere.Internally, you are probably ready for more decisive language, but you are already used to pronouncing it about yourself. Believe me, in most cases people don’t care whether you agree with him or not, it’s much more important what you think.
In the desire to please everyone it is easy to lose personal interests, to stop being honest with your mood or - trivially - character. Sooner or later, you yourself will not notice how you became a universal man, a soft-bodied ducky, but by no means the soul of the company.
What to do with symptoms of chronic obedience? First, practice opposing points of view. Start with strangers. Will someone tell you about the bad summer in the trolleybus? Perfectly. Instead of a nod out of habit, tell your interlocutor that nature has no bad weather, and you like rain. No drama will happen, but you will feel your dominating power. Secondly, stop apologizing for everything in the world or say "thank you" twenty times. These words elevate the interlocutor above you, moreover, the extra thanks in this case do not demonstrate noble upbringing, but, unfortunately, lack of self-confidence.
Another great tactic is to always remember that others do not care about you. True. Everyone is busy solely with himself, with his problems, and speaking with you is not a vital event for them.
What else is required? Remember that self-esteem - your main companion for life, and if he even turned the wrong way, there is always a chance to return it. Do not put kindness and politeness on a pedestal, for sure there are still many wonderful qualities in your arsenal that you can use. The main thing is to find an internal balance between them all and to find the real happiness from the existence of oneself. That's when you will not have to go forward without need.
How to pass spermogram
A small gift for a big holiday
The test for the erudite: guess the spice on the plant
Craft of plasticine on May 9
How to make a guest list