Emotional Abuse, or How to Calculate an Abuser
The topic of abuse, or abuse, is incredibly relevant today. We will not touch on the physical aspect, rather look at the psychological abuse as a form of moral violence with the presence of blackmail, humiliation and manipulation. These words are terrible even by ear, not to mention the fact that no one is immune from such behavior of men.
It is believed that the victims of such a relationship are slurred women who have neither character nor will power. But in fact it is not so. Of course, under the "charms" of individuals eager to hurt, fall primarily girls with psychological trauma, difficult fathers and other vulnerable points. Abusers feel them from another street and rather run to the rescue. Someone presses authority, choosing a young victim, someone is playing a fresh drama, for example, parting, and allegedly trying to help him survive. They play in some kind of savior, perfectly feeling that a woman in a bad state thinks with difficulty.There is another category of abuzer, more savvy, it gives them much more pleasure to hunt for the strong and confident. From the connection with them, these men experience the deepest sense of power and skill. Incredibly, it is the established women who are sure that they will never join the ranks of “those strange” weaklings and forget to be on the alert. They are sure that they will understand the scoundrel from the first seconds, because in their arsenal they have experience, success and good brains.
Unfortunately, abyzer behavior is many-sided. For several months you may not guess or admit to yourself that you have a manipulator in front of you and you are already hanging on its hook. After all, the first weeks are perfect: maximum understanding, beautiful courtship, incredible kindness (yes, they are usually talented actors). But along with them and strange behavior. And here you are, an intelligent and successful woman, looking for answers in yourself, engaging in self-digging, and slowly begin to lose faith in your own strength. In parallel with this, the emotional dependence on the partner is forming and getting stronger - unfortunately, we, women, are very inclined to this, regardless of social status and upbringing.What's next for the script? Unexpected conflicts alternating with reconciliations and newly rising candy periods. In such an environment it is not easy to realize that something abnormal is happening in your life. Most likely, you are thinking about how emotional your partner is, what you are masking, and, of course, remember all the broad gestures in the spirit of "never happened to me!"
Psychological abuse has a lot of manifestations. First, this "defective" partner will sooner or later begin to do everything to make your self-esteem go down. Offensive remarks, quarrels with twisting facts and those who first started, sharp criticism, perhaps even intimidation. Of course, if a man once raised his voice, it does not mean that he is an abuser. The real "dominant" manifestations of emotional reactions are strictly stable, this is basically his style of behavior, as it turns out later. Disrespect is another “surprise” that this demon will prepare for you sooner or later. Take a closer look. Is he always polite, does he allow rudeness or sarcasm in your address? Make comments to him, but he refutes everything, even accusing you, what are you doing out of the molehill of an elephant? Congratulations! Here is another sign of your destructive relationship.
Returning to unprecedented generosity: the male abuzer tries to impose his help on you in the hope of evoking the feeling that you owe him something. He does it obsessively - and how else can one invade his personal space? Another “bell” is control. At the beginning of the relationship, he can not be read. Most likely, you are flattered that your friend is meticulously thinking out joint plans for the weekend. Answer yourself this question: does he even think about what you want? He asks for your opinion or maybe advises? Even this is not the worst. The plans are followed by your leisure in general. The beloved will surely want you to spend all your free time with him (because a normal person is unlikely to suffer him, and he does not know how to spend time alone), he will begin to speak negatively about your relatives and family holidays. Girlfriends, of course, one after another will begin to fall into the black list of those who have a bad influence on you, but then the pious will touch everything that you have left: work, hobbies, clothes, makeup. The less you follow his advice, the more he will get irritated and, do not be surprised, blame you for not loving him.
Active manifestation of jealousy is another pattern of behavior that abysusers adore. “I'm sorry, I did something stupid yesterday, I just lost my temper because of love for you!” - familiar phrases? They are not from a series or a tabloid novel, but from your real life, which you somehow magically cease to control. Inadequate behavior - checks, calls and other hysteria - is unacceptable in adulthood. You can still understand that in your very first novel, such passions flared up, but now? Do you still allow someone to show a sense of ownership towards you, and even under the mask of love? Very sorry!
Abusers are alien humans: they are never to blame for anything. But everyone around is doing what they do wrong, especially in relation to them. Give such a person a little time, and he will start blaming you for everything he can. And he will continue to remain holy, though without the ability to fulfill promises and be responsible for anything.
There is a trick, which is owned by all without exception abyuzery. They, unlike normal men, in a hurry to get a serious relationship.They will take you to Ikea on the second day of their acquaintance, they will start talking about the wedding and the children on the fifth - be vigilant. These tricks are used to tidy you up. Without jokes, do not even think of rejoicing, but rather slow down the development of relations for an indefinite period.
If you notice at least some of the above signs in your relations, take it seriously. The faster you recognize the “enemy” next to you, the less consequences you will have to rake later. Fortunately, you may not yet know that a woman in an abusive relationship does not do anything for herself, she simply begins to lose herself. What does it threaten with? Depression, mental disorders, self-flagellation. But there is good news. Becoming happy after an abyus is possible. What you need to do: realize the problem, “burn off” traumatic relationships, learn to be yourself again, communicate with loving friends and relatives, change housing or work, start new hobbies, get rid of bad habits and, most importantly, believe that you deserve a happy life and no one else can hurt her. Start with small, but very complex: do not allow anyone to treat yourself with disrespect.So, step by step, you will understand how valuable your personality is, and you will begin the main novel in your life - an affair with itself in love and harmony.
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