7 ways to make contact with a teenager
“I hate you!” - and the crash of a slammed door.
In the phrase “transitional age,” each mother with horror imagines something similar. Serving fantasy draws before my eyes some tear off at the piercing, with pink hair and awesome makeup. And for some reason this child’s face is torn off.
But the devil is not so bad as he is painted. A transitional age is an attempt by a child to prove to you, an adult, his or her independence and importance as an individual. And if he doesn’t have to prove anything, then the rebellion will quickly come to naught. We have collected 7 important rules, how to maintain peace of mind and good relations with a teenager.
1. Leave him alone
Many mothers perceive the child as part of themselves. And this is partly the case, especially in the first years of a baby’s life. But he is growing up, and he needs less and less your care and lisping.If you continue to make decisions for the child, to plan their daily routine (and the future at the same time), based on their own desires, attributing to their child, a revolt will certainly happen. Decisions now have to be taken together, imposing your opinion will get worse. If you push as it should, he certainly agrees. But forget about the contact, it will not be.
2. Let him be sad
As soon as the child frowned his forehead, anxious thoughts rummaged in the head right next to each other: “The Blue Whale” was inherited, they were offended at school, two strips of dough, or even drugs, I tried. Inquiries begin, and sometimes even demands to remove this sour face from the face. Remove it, he will remove, and at the same time perfectly learn to hide their true feelings from you. But only a man became sad. You do too, right? You should not bother the child, just let him cope with his mood.
3. Stop taking care of him.
Modern parents, it seems, literally see everything as a potential psychological trauma for a child, in any event or phenomenon. And, of course, trying to protect the child from these injuries. And it turns out that children live in such a sterile environment.And psychological sterility is harmful in the same way as physical: the body does not learn to develop immunity, the person does not learn to overcome stress and cope with difficulties.
4. Take care of yourself
To have credibility in the eyes of a teenager, you need to be able to do something better than him. And it's not about virtuoso baking pies and not about the pumped skill of washing the floor and dishes. Although if it brings you money and satisfaction, then please. Psychologists say that parents who are seriously passionate about work or hobbies can become a real authority in the eyes of a child and interest him. And if you have not achieved anything, do not enjoy the respect of colleagues, do not develop, have failed to realize themselves anywhere except in the kitchen, and your hobby is a sofa and a TV, then attempts to teach a child will quickly end in a contemptuous snort and scandal.
5. Learn to listen
Just listen, not hear. When a teenager enthusiastically talks about the first impressions of the school year, the biggest mistake is to give back something like “Did you buy bread?”. It is immediately clear how you are really interested in the life of a teenager.Of course, listening to monologues about weird classmates and teachers can be very boring. But here it is worth thinking about this: a child shares his life with you. This means that you still trust and you still have contact. Do not destroy it.
The same goes for the ability to speak. Try to gradually give up the position when you address the child from above, from the position of the main and experienced one. You, of course, the main, you, of course, more experience. But broadcast over it is no longer necessary. Such a manner of communication will only cause rejection, and this is a classic one: “What would they understand, these adults”.
6. Be on his side
In any conflict, the child must know that you support him. Let this confusion at school, where the child seems to be to blame, or problems with the section and peers: you are not on the side of the teacher or the parent of the offended child. You are always on the side of your son or daughter. At home, without witnesses, you can easily disassemble the conflict and find out that the child really was somewhere wrong, and how he should have acted. But it is not necessary to openly side with the opponent and together with him “run over” your child.
7. Be patient
In your life, there will still be slammed doors and words thrown in the hearts. A rare teenager does without a riot, at least a weak one. And no matter how you try to make contact, it will not come out quickly anyway. Especially if you have had trouble before. All these bursts just need to survive. And preferably keeping calm. Accusations of ingratitude, screams and reproaches leave for heroes of soap operas.
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